Ghosts
by Giantpanda
Summary: Spoilers for Episode 6. Shannon and Sayid reflect on the changes in their lives.


TITLE: Ghosts  
RATING: PG-13  
SUMMARY: Spoilers for Episode 6. Shannon and Sayid reflect on the changes in their lives.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments, and this story wouldn't be necessary.

**I. Can't Say Goodbye**

Shannon hurt deep inside but felt nothing. It was the strangest feeling she'd ever experienced. There was a weigh pushing down on her chest. Yet there was no real pain. Her heart was breaking. Or maybe it was already broken. Or maybe it was gone, left behind on the island. She'd given it to Sayid, which is why she hurt now.

She was dead. She was still having trouble wrapping her brain around that. But it was even weirder that she could still see everyone, could still walk around with everyone. She figured it was because her killer was still out there. She couldn't rest until Sayid and everyone else knew who the murderer was. Sayid especially. Maybe that would bring him peace.

She'd been gone four days, three hours and ten minutes. Not that she'd been trying to keep track. In that time she'd stayed with Sayid. She followed him practically everywhere, which now meant staying at the beach. He'd been sitting in the same spot almost every day for hours on end. He'd sit there staring out into the sea. He never cried there. At first she'd been a little hurt by it. He seemed so strong, so calm. But their destroyed shelter showed how deeply he was hurting. She had watched as he stumbled inside, watched as his eyes had fallen on her clothing scattered around. It'd been their shelter for a day, and now it was just his. She had watched as he picked up her pink shawl, the one she remembered using to cover up the first time he had really spoken to her. She watched as he sank down to the ground and buried his head into her shawl. She hadn't known that ghosts could cry until she'd seen his body racked with sobs. He was her strength, her Sayid. He wasn't supposed to break.

But he was broken now. Everyone saw it. She saw the way they whispered about him, the way they stayed away, afraid of what he might do. Sayid was the calm rational one, but now they feared him. He didn't deserve that. Then again, she didn't deserve to die. She wasn't ready. She had finally found her happiness and it was ripped away. Her new life, her second chance, gone just like that. For once, though, she thought only of Sayid. It had been his new life as well, his second chance. She wished she could touch him just once more, wished she could thank him for everything. Had she ever told him how much he meant to her? How he had changed her in such a short time? She had given herself to him, but had he known that their time together meant more to her then every other time she had sex? Did he know that she had fallen in love with him?

She sank down into the sand next to him. She wished he could see her. She wanted to take his hand, wanted to comfort him somehow. But she didn't know how. Where was Whoppi Goldberg when she needed her? She thought of _Ghost_, if only she had a psychic or whatever Whoppi's character was called. She'd be able to take over her body and touch Sayid once more. Just one more time, she wished she could be with him. His grief, his pain, it hit her in waves. How could one man hurt so much?

She wondered if he was simply feeling guilty. Or were his feelings something deeper? Could he have loved her too? Why would a man like him have loved her? Even in death it made no sense.

His sadness was too much. She reached out and caressed his cheek. He startled and turned in her direction. For a second she swore he could see her. She felt the intensity of his gaze. Then he looked back out to sea.

"Ana hibeek" he whispered.

Somehow she knew it meant that he loved her, and she was filled with a peace she wished she could bring him.

**II. Just One More Night**

One more night. That was all he asked for. One night of peace where he could hold her in his arms again. One night had not been enough. Would never be enough, Sayid thought as he stared out into the ocean. He spent most of his time on the beach now. Four days, three hours and ten minutes. It felt like an eternity.

Shannon, his beautiful Shannon was gone. He could not close his eyes, the images were too strong. Their night together mingled with finding her mangled body. It was too much. He had seen a lot when in the Guard, but this, this was inhumane. He wished he knew who had killed her. Bamboo sticks and knives would not be enough.

Here he could remember all the times he watched her sunbathe. One time stuck in his mind, when he had needed her help. Her pink shawl draped over her chest, her smile as she waited to see what he wanted. The hurt in her eyes as she asked him if Boone had put him up to it. All the different emotions that played so quickly across her face.

Sayid knew Shannon for such a short time, but it felt longer. She had changed him. She had opened his heart again. Allowed him to feel again. Now he wished she had not. Then he would not be filled with indescribable pain. This was not a feeling he was used to. He had lost many people in his life, but none like this.

The worst was that he felt her everywhere. No matter where he went on the island it was as if she was there beside him. Some days he thought he would be able to reach out and touch her, but of course she was never there. It seemed that every inch of the island held a memory. Even something a small as a smile or a hello as they crossed paths, hurt because it was a moment when he did not take the time to talk with her. She had stolen his heart, and still he knew so little about her.

Did she even know that she had his heart? Would she have even believed him if he had told her? He had wanted to that night. Their one night together, but he could not. He was afraid to say the words, afraid that she would laugh at him, afraid that she would reveal that Boone had in fact been right and she was using him. Now, it was his biggest regret. That and he did not get to hold her longer. He could still feel her in his arms.

Sayid knew the others were talking about him, whispering behind his back. Unfortunately, they did not whisper softly and he knew all they said. He did not care if they thought he was crazy with grief, if they hid the guns. He did not need a gun to fix the wrong that was committed. He knew other ways.

But he also knew he would not do it. He would not kill whoever killed his Shannon. Death would not be punishment enough for her murderer. Torture would be more suitable. Slow. Painful. Everlasting. There were many techniques that he knew that would harm the person, cause them pain but they would not die. Would that even take away this pain? Would anything?

He startled as a gentle wind caressed his cheek. He turned and swore he saw Shannon sitting beside him, her eyes filled with concern. He stared for a moment, then looked back out to sea. Maybe he really was going crazy.

"Ana hibeek" he whispered to Shannon, wherever she was.

He felt the slightest hint of peace because now he knew she knew he loved her. Yet he still wished for just one night so he could say it to her.

The End.


End file.
